The way adults play may be the framework for how children treat others, study finds

The way that caring adults, such as early childhood educators and parents, play with children may be the foundational framework for how children treat one another, a new study from the University of Georgia has found. 

Entering and exiting play and social situations is a key element of social and emotional learning for toddlers, and this new research suggests that caregivers play a large part in giving children a script to follow to learn and practice these important skills. 

“It’s not just what the mom does when they’re interacting, and it’s not just what the child does when they’re interacting,” lead author Professor Niyantri Ravindran said. 

“It’s really about how their behaviours are occurring together. That back-and-forth dialogue between the mother and child is contributing to how children are interacting with their peers.”

The study drew on data collected at the University of Illinois when researchers gathered more than 120 mothers and their toddler-aged children to a lab playroom to observe how they interacted while playing.

Researchers then followed the children through their preschool days, examining how they interacted with their friends while playing.

After six months, the researchers paired children with other children they had never met and observed how the pairs interacted. Later, when the children were around 4 1/2 years old, researchers brought the participating children in to play with a close friend.

Throughout this process, the researchers focused on two main types of behaviour: responsiveness and assertiveness.

Children who were receptive to the suggestions of their playmate and enthusiastic about playing with them scored high on responsiveness.

Those who rated highly on the assertiveness scale took more initiative, such as inviting another child to join in play, or developing ideas to drive and adapt in play. 

Sensitive and attuned mothers were key

Mothers and children had a strong connection if the mother was sensitive to the child’s behaviour and the child responded positively. When they showed this dynamic during play, those children were more likely to show the same responsiveness with their friends.

Similarly, when mothers were sensitive and children were assertive during play, those children were more likely to be assertive with children they didn’t know. 

Assertiveness is a crucial skill when meeting new peers

Meeting someone new can be nerve-wracking for many children. They need the confidence to take initiative and assert themselves in a respectful way. With a friend, however, they know what to expect, so responding feels more natural.

Interacting with someone new requires different skills than spending time with a friend, the researchers noted.

“You don’t want a child to be completely only compliant and never really taking the initiative,” Professor Ravindran said. “Neither do you want a child who is bossy and never listens to the other childs’ suggestions. Having a balance between those two behaviours could help result in more socially competent children.”

Play helps build social skills

Caregivers play a large role in how children develop social skills, not just because they are their children’s primary role models. How children and caregivers interact serves as practice for new social situations, researchers conclude.

Most of the time, parents and caregivers are in charge. They decide the rules their children follow and what their children can or can’t do.

When playing, that hierarchy breaks down. Children are free to tell their caring adults what they want and how they want to play.

“You’re going to guide your child, teach them and show them how to do things, but it’s also just as important to follow their lead sometimes,” Professor Ravindran said. “That can really help balance out those behaviours.”

This study was published in Developmental Psychology and co-authored by Nancy L. McElwain of the University of Illinois’ Department of Human Development and Family Studies.