When a child is grieving, everyday moments can open the conversation

An ABC Kids Early Education resource explores how stories, play and familiar routines can help educators support young children experiencing grief and loss.

A child whose grandparent has died might ask the same question each morning. Another might play out a goodbye with toys, then return to building a tower. These moments can leave educators uncertain about how to respond, particularly when the child’s family is grieving too.

A September 2026 ABC Kids Early Education article, Stories That Stay: Helping Young Children Navigate Grief, considers how conversations, stories and ordinary memories can support children through loss.

Written by Early Childhood Education Producer Laura Stone, the resource draws on the Flower & Flour episode The Anniversary. In the episode, children help shopkeeper Janek remember his late wife through her favourite cake, music and photographs.

For educators, the story offers a starting point for reflection: supporting someone who is grieving can involve listening, remembering and allowing space for sadness. 

Young children’s understanding of death develops gradually. They may ask when someone is coming back even after being told that the person has died. Repeated questions can be part of trying to make sense of what has happened.

The Raising Children Network’s guidance on supporting children through grief recommends answering openly and patiently, offering reassurance and maintaining familiar routines. 

Its guidance on talking about death recommends simple, truthful language. Expressions that compare death with sleep can confuse children or create fears about sleeping.

Families’ cultural and spiritual beliefs also shape how they explain a death. Understanding what the family has told the child helps educators respond consistently and respectfully. 

An educator can answer the question a child has asked, allow time for a response and remain available to revisit it. Where a question raises uncertainty about the family’s preferred explanation, checking with the family can guide the next conversation.

Children do not always describe grief in words. They may seek reassurance, draw, tell stories or move between sadness and ordinary activity.

The Raising Children Network identifies play, music and drawing as ways children can express feelings. It also encourages adults to let children know that playing, laughing and enjoying themselves are still okay after someone has died. 

A return to play should not, on its own, be taken as evidence that the loss no longer matters.

For ECEC teams, this calls for sensitive observation and communication with families. One child may welcome a story about loss; another may prefer the reassurance of an ordinary morning with a trusted educator nearby.

Books and shared viewing can offer openings for conversation, with children choosing how much they want to contribute.

Photographs, familiar songs, treasured objects and shared stories can help children maintain connections with someone who has died.

Sydney Children’s Hospitals Network’s memory-making guidance describes approaches including artwork, scrapbooks, memory boxes and activities reflecting personal, cultural or religious traditions. 

In an early childhood setting, these ideas are best considered with the family and child. An educator might make space for a child to share a photograph or create a drawing, while respecting another child’s preference to keep memories private.

The ABC article also considers feelings associated with moving house, family separation and changes in friendships. These experiences differ, and every difficult transition need not be labelled grief. Educators can still take seriously what a child says they miss or find unsettling. 

Services can ask families what the child knows, which words or practices they prefer and what information they would like shared with relevant educators. This supports continuity while respecting privacy.

If families or educators are concerned about how a child is coping, a conversation about seeking advice from a GP or child and family health professional may be appropriate. 

ABC Kids’ Play School: Beginnings and Endings provides another resource for exploring life, death and remembering. Accompanying notes offer information for families and educators, alongside books, songs and further resources. 

Together, these materials can support team conversations about responding to questions, working with families and choosing experiences thoughtfully. The practical focus is on making room for children to ask, remember and participate at their own pace, supported by familiar relationships.