Grooming in Child Care settings: know the signs

The article addresses sensitive child safety matters and is shared to support informed conversations, awareness and stronger safeguarding practices across the sector.

When most people hear the word “grooming”, they picture someone targeting a child. But child predators groom the adults first. 

Grooming is rarely obvious. It’s a gradual and very deliberate process. As we’ve seen from recent news reports, it’s so deliberate that an offender may choose trusted career paths such as education and care specifically to prepare for their life as a child predator. 

To keep children safe, we need to be very good at identifying the signs of predation. So, what are the signs?

When we examine cases of deliberate, long term offenders, we see they groom parents and educators in different ways. Recognising these patterns early can help prevent abuse.

Predators groom parents by building personal trust, closeness and a sense of reliability. They groom educators differently, cultivating professional credibility, competence and dedication. While the tactics differ, the goal is the same: to lower suspicion, reduce scrutiny and weaken safeguards.

Grooming parents in the child care setting

With parents, predators focus on becoming trusted, helpful and indispensable. They present as caring and reliable, gradually becoming deeply involved in family life, offering extra help and even being involved in personal problem solving, until trust rests in the individual rather than the organisation.

The predator may:

• Show special interest in the child or family
• Offer favours like transport, babysitting or extra support
• Give the child or parent gifts, privileges or attention
• Communicate privately or outside approved channels, such as handing out their personal contact details
• Create the impression that they understand the child better than anyone else
• Encourage the parent to see them as an exceptional educator
• Gradually make one-on-one access seem normal

Grooming of fellow educators and colleagues in the child care setting

With educators, a predator colleague’s grooming is more professional than personal. Predators build a reputation as outstanding employees or managers by taking on extra duties, supporting colleagues and demonstrating an unwavering commitment to children. These are the very qualities we value in exceptional staff, making predators the worst kind of masters of disguise who hide in plain sight. 

Their reputation often earns them greater trust, autonomy and fewer questions. The difference is that genuine excellence is never accompanied by repeated policy breaches or blurred professional boundaries, no matter how small. Those small boundary violations, which escalate over time, are what distinguish an exemplary employee from a person of concern.

The predator may do all or some of the following:

• More commonly volunteer for tasks that provide greater access to children, in favour of additional admin or cleaning tasks
• Position themselves as the most capable or experienced person when speaking to others
• Engage is small breaches of policy to test whether colleagues will challenge
• Dismiss small boundary concerns as harmless or overly cautious
• Act surprised, defensive or even hurt if approached about a boundary concern involving them
• Encourage a culture where rules are bent for trusted staff under the guise of team work or friendship
• Seek shifts, rooms or duties that provide more isolated or close contact
• Build alliances with managers or influential colleagues
• Create opportunities for unsupervised interactions by encouraging colleagues to attend to other responsibilities

Predators are very patient people. They get to know their targets over months or years. Because they are so good at being kind, the only sign that something isn’t right will be the first very small breach of process or the very first small, blurred boundary. That will be all you see. It will be so subtle, other educators or parents may even feel silly raising a concern. One person may sense something isn't right while others dismiss their concerns. Don't ignore the instincts of the lone voice. Subtle boundary breaches may only be recognised subliminally at first, leading to a feeling that something isn’t quite right. These gut instincts warrant exploration. 

You may not know at that time whether the person made a genuine mistake with a small breach, or whether they are a predator. Either way, you will show them that there is no room for any blurred lines in your family or your child care centre. If they made a mistake, they will never do it again. If they are a predator, you’ve shown them they aren’t going to be able to groom you. If they can’t groom the adults around the child, they can’t groom the child.

Important advice: Follow all processes at all times

• All interactions should be transparent, observable and professional
• Communication with families must happen only through approved channels
• Policies must be adhered to at all times
• Educator personal contact details shouldn’t be shared with families
• Physical contact should always be appropriate and consistent with organisational policies
• Favours should not be given, requested or expected

Predators will no longer advise each other to choose child care as a career if educators and parents are immovable on the processes in place designed to keep children safe. These boundaries don’t exist because we expect the worst from people. They exist because they protect everyone, including educators.

Ultimately, child safety is about prevention. Keeping children safe isn’t the responsibility of one person or one organisation. It’s something families, educators and communities all need to work on together every day.

Concerns about a child’s safety or the conduct of an adult should be taken seriously and responded to in accordance with relevant child protection requirements, reporting obligations and service policies and procedures. 

• Immediate danger: Call Triple Zero (000).

• Child protection concerns: Contact the relevant state or territory child protection authority or police.

• Bravehearts: For information and support relating to child sexual abuse, call 1800 272 831.

• 1800RESPECT: For counselling, information and support relating to sexual violence and abuse, call 1800 737 732 or text 0458 737 732, 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

• Kids Helpline: Children and young people can call 1800 55 1800, 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

Author:

Kim Fenton 

Group Chief Commercial Officer

The Extend Group - Education and care